Blogging a Life Like Mine?


Champs-ElyseesI must have slipped a cog to even attempt a blog concerning my life.

As my friends and family know well, if anything is going to happen – it will sure as hell happen to me. Hey, I figured that now I’m a boring, disabled old fart, what possible trouble could I get into? Sweet grandmotherly type that I am.

I did have some rather interesting experiences in my earlier years. Lived in Paris for several years: dated a half French/half Aussie guy, really cute. I met him when he was the photographer on a shoot I did. He moved right in with me and three months later I learned he was the head whatever-it-is of a satanic church. Yup!

Or, living in ???, I fell in love with a certain romantic, funny person we’ll call Franko. In fact, after a little more than a year, he proposed. I accepted. On our wedding day, his side of the church was absolutely chock-full of big, dark-haired dudes chewing on cigar stubs. And a ton of black Caddies in the parking lot.

On our way to the party, I asked him why he hadn’t mentioned that small fact about his “Family.” He gave me The Look. Said, “Your new last name is Gambino. Thought you might get a clue there.” Yup.

In more recent days, I’ve decided to adopt a dear friend of mine – who’s only 13 years younger than moi. I keep swearing that on the day we go to court, I’m going to walk like an Egyptian all the way down those towering steps. Almost guaranteed to bust my arse, don’t you think?

I’ll leave you with this one. Got a beautiful German Shepherd puppy couple years ago. Last year she was already moose-sized, according to my STB daughter. Well, I put her out one night and 10 minutes later I heard one HELL of a ruckus out there. Mind you, her pen has 20 foot high bamboo on one side, a huge hill in front: all darker than Hades.

Being alarmed and terrified for my baby, I flew out the door. Could barely make out that long tail as her body was in the bamboo, making a noise I’d never heard… half growl, half-chomp. All terrifying.

Didn’t have the first clue what to do but I wanted to see that she was OK, right now. Called her: no go. Threw a Frisbee (only time she ever ignored it.) Out of desperation, I ran over, got her by the damn tail and YANKED her out of the bamboo –

To see instantly that: she’s fine, unmarked, and she has a HUGE possum in her mouth which she’s gaily swinging around like a rat-tail pinata. And worse, the second she sees me, it’s “Hi Mom! Want to play with my toy?” As she yanks her tail out of my hand, turns, and comes for me.

So then I’m being chased around a large pen by a puppy with a possum dangling out of her chops – me, screaming like a *** madwoman.

Us old farts never get into trouble, though. Keep that in mind when you read Cat’s Blog.

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